Mouse in the Library

email is away.

Have something on hand to counteract the potential for an instant blood pressure headache, 'kay?

So, you're a parent, right? Even if you're not, please, for the sake of this excercise pretend. You've got kids, and you want to make sure that they're set up later in life. So you set up IRAs for them, in their names. You put money in them, and so on and so forth.

Later on, when one of the kids is all grown up and been having some problems paying off a debt to you, you offer the IRA he has as a way of paying off the debt. He says no thanks, but I would really like the info on the IRA for my financial paperwork. A week or two later, he e-mails you again, saying that he needs the information for his finacial paperwork.

A week after that (still no response whatsoever) he calls one of you at work, re-stating that he needs the information. Information on an IRA that is in his name. What, as a parent, is your response?

For example, is it, "Why do you want to know?", with a strong dash of, "We won't give you the information until you tell us why you want it."

This is not making me happy. They have already put Warin and Catchild both in not-so-good graces with one of the finacial aid departments in Alabama because they didn't give him information on something financial with his name on it. Like, say, a savings account with a large sum of money in it. They applied, and, not knowing about the account, didn't list it. Alabama's response was not happy, and they pointed out that Warin and Catchild hadn't listed this account as one of their resources. I think that the two of them stil can't apply for any kind of financial aid from the state of Alalbama because of that debacle.

There is no excuse for this. This is playing games of control with money that has Warin' name on it. No matter what they think of how he lives his life or spends his money, this IRA is in his name. Common bloody courtesy would dictate that they give him the information on it, without playing stupid little petty ass games.

Anyone know of any legal recourse we can take if they decide to be total jackasses about this? Better yet, do any of the folks related to Kathy know where they have their IRAs through so we can contact the financial institution directly?

And yet another PSA.

Being a listening ear = fine. More than fine, perfectly okay, understandable, and really in high demand right now. For the record, catchild could really use a lot of this right now.

Talking with us = fine. Again, perfectly okay, understandable, and all that.

Making a value judgement based off of only partial information = not fine.

We. Do. Not. Need. Anyone. Else. Involved. In. This. Mess.

Yeah, the time of the year for it was crappy. You don't live here = you don't have a clue what the alternative would have been. Especially if you didn't bother to talk to all of us.

So, how many friends do I loose because of this? Hmm? How many of you are going to blame the three of us for leaving? How many more of you think that we're scum for leaving?

Okay, I'm angry enough right now that I need to back off of this before I start screaming at friends that really don't deserve it.

Just, please try not to take sides in this, 'kay? There are no 'sides' to take. None of us out here are asking you to choose between us.

And this hurt enough before I ran into the rant directed at myself and warinbear on my f-list this morning.

The past month has been stressful in the extreme. I most likely follow catchild in creating a multiples filter, if that tells you anything about what the past month has been like.

Letting folks know that I'm okay and everything. The family is dealing with some major changes and growth stuff, so we're all kind of internally focused right now. LJ sort of slid by the wayside for a while.

Someone please wake me up when the shit is out of the way. Or when I can help. Or when Drkn has actually gotten enough sleep. Or when Phooka will let me hold her and cuddle her.

-sigh- My ability to care about anything other than basic survival is incredibly just now. I'm very tired, and I am probably going to carefully forget most of what Drkn was saying this evening, simply because I know that he hasn't really been sleeping all that much for the past two weeks, and that makes his temper fly away into the stratosphere.

I am going to go do meaningless stuff on the computer now.

Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Damnit all, I thought I knew how to do this! Ground, center, shield. Ground, center . . . shit, there goes my ground again.

-sigh- I am an empath. catchild is not exactly in the most stable of headspaces at the moment, and will likely be like that for a while. I do not need to be broadcasting pain, despair, grief, and anguish all over the fucking place. Not being able to stuff the emotions back into the little box in my head that they've been in for the past year and a half isn't helping.

I need to deal with stuff that I hadn't dealt with because I needed to be stable for that year and a half. I needed to be stable, because Catchild and ebonunicorn were damn near going nova. I still need to be stable, but what's inside that box needs to be dealt with. What's inside that box needs to be felt, never mind how much I don't want to deal with it, to feel it. There are things inside that box that I don't like to think came of me, because under all the pain is rage so strong that it is almost hatred.

And what's inside that box is leaking out and shredding the shields that keep me from ramming how I feel down the throats of every sensitive around me. Dear gods, those are just the leaks. I don't want to do this.

Unfortunately, I know that whether I want to or not, I need to.

So, over the weekend, warinbear's mom (K) e-mails Bear-Cub. K tells Bear-Cub that the Huntsville Public Library will be having a birthday party for Harry Potter on Monday (today) and that she thought that Bear-Cub and her sister would be interested. Oh, and if no one else could drive, she could play driver for them.

We decided to go ahead and go. Let the kids spend some time with their Nana, let me spend some time with some very good friends. I practically grew up in that library. I was a volunteer and an employee there. I have friends there that remember me from when I was 7 years old. Therefore, I was perfectly fine with being around K there. My turf, y'see. Well, as fine with being around her as I was ever going to be. We drove ourselves, taking 2 cars so that louisadkins could go with me, catchild and all three girls.

Meeting old friends (library itself included in that category) was wonderful, the event was fun, all three girls had a blast. Phooka was in heaven in the toddler section. Catchild got to say hi to folks that she had met through me a few years ago, and I got to introduce Louis to old friends of mine.

Fast-forward about an hour and a half, to 5:30 in the evening. Catchild and I were needing food rather badly at that point. Louis goes in search of the two older girls. He found them with K. He told them that we needed to leave to get food, and that we needed to leave now. K was getting out pictures to show them at the same time that he was saying this. She said that she could just show them to the girls real quick first. Kids ignored Louis and dove into the pictures. Self-satisfied smile from K that the girls missed. Louis repeated himself on the needing to leave now angle four more times. He was ignored by both girls and by K. Fourth time, he informed the girls that if they did not move, they were going directly to bed upon our arrival at home.

Bear-Cub and Puppy moved. Bear-Cub was highly upset with having to go, and not happy about having a potential punishment tossed at her. Louis was (and still is) understandably upset about being ignored by both children and adult. Especially since Bear-Cub and K both know that Catchild is hypoglycemic. Bear-Cub also knows very well what happens when either of her mommies don't get food when they need to.

K was very obvious in comforting (and in my opinion, egging on) the upset Bear-Cub.

Okay. In review, that might seem like a small thing to be furious with a grandparent over. To review: K deliberately undermined Louis's authority with the girls. By example, she showed them that it was okay to ignore him. She then demonstrated to the girls that she felt that they shouldn't have gotten into any kind of trouble over it. She has done this to me, to ebonunicorn(Drkn), and to Catchild. I do not know if she has done it to Warin. I do know that both myself and Drkn usually catch most of it.

If past experience is any indication, the older girls will most likely ignore both myself and Louis for about a week or so.

I was furious and damn near hysterical with hurt and anger when we got home. I am now feeling very cold. K has finally crossed a line in my mind, and she has finally pushed to far.

My official parental vote on anything involving K is that the kids should not have contact with her. At all. Period. She refuses to stop undermining our parental authority with the girls. By doing so, she is teaching them by example that they do not have to listen to us or take us seriously. She is toxic, and it is my opinion that if we don't really trust her to be alone with the girls in the first place, why in the name of Hell are we letting her anywhere near our daughters at all? Yes, cutting her out of their lives now would hurt, but I think it's time we were actually honest with our children instead of hoping that K won't do something that'll screw them up for life.

Oh, wait. It's already to late on that front, isn't it? I say tell them the truth, hold them, hug them, remind them that we love them and that this is not their fault. Tell them all the things that we haven't been telling them about their Nana. And then get her the fuck out of their lives before she destroys them while we're waiting for her to do something 'obvious'.

My stance on this is no longer open to debate.



P.S. Catchild, I am not angry with you, this is not your fault, and I still love you very much, as I likely always will. While I am addressing several of your points, I am not upset with you. Okay?

Okay, when they said 'you may experience some mood swings' in regards to the birth control pill that I've been on for the last month and a half, they lied through their teeth.

What they should have said was this: 'You have chosen to ride the emotional equivalent of Terror Mountain. You will start off at horny, swing up into homicidal, come back down through horny on your way to moody depression, with a sudden upswing back up into insanely cheerful, followed by jagged swings up and down from horny enough to contemplate the stickshift of your car all the way to sudden crying fits and hysteria. There will be the occasional detour through extreme apathy, boredom, and bouts of restlesness just to keep your intrest during the ride.'

Seriously. I'd love to be able to hold onto an emotional state for longer than an hour at most. The insert said the worst side-effects were in the first three months, and that most side-effects go away completely after the first six.

Today started with me leaving the bed at high speeds to empty an already empty stomach. Between the paint fumes from the freshly painted bookcase, sinus drainage down my throat, and overheating during the night, I wound up with a nasty case of the heaves this morning. warinbear and louisadkins both deserve medals. warinbear was awake, out of bed, and holding my hair back within seconds. louisadkins showed up at the door shortly thereafter, and got a cool, damp washcloth onto the back of my neck. I spent most of the day dealing with a sinus headache and the shitty feeling of low blood-sugar. I really don't like the reaction of needing to eat badly enough that you feel sick to your stomach. It leads to a viscous circle.

About thirty or so minutes after I was showered and settled back into bed (with the cats on guard duty, I might add) louisadkins yelled loud enough that warinbear and I heard him in the bedroom. I staggered out to see what the problem was, and noticed the distinct scent of burnt electronics. His computer's power supply had burned out, and taken several other components with it. I crawled back into bed, and was dimly aware of the two bears snarling at Warin's computer. It couldn't see all the RAM that was there. It kept seeing everything except for about 64 megs. Last I heard, they hadn't fixed the problem.

And then, while they were doing this, the sunburn that Warin had picked up on Friday began to itch. He had Louis rub Solarcaine over it, in the hopes that that would help. Thirty seconds later, it was itching so badly that he couldn't concentrate on anything. He took a cool shower. I dozed during his shower, and woke up to the sounds of my husband crying in the bathroom. With Warin and Ebon both, crying is a sign of extreme distress, whether emotional or physical. Adreneline spiked, and I found myself out of bed and checking on Warin. The shower hadn't helped any, and he was fighting to not claw his shoulders open. Calomine lotion didn't help, and he was starting to rock and shake.

I called catchild up in NY, and told her what was going on. She reccomended covering the area in towels dipped in a half-and-half mixture of white vinegar and water. I also gave him Benadryl, in case it was an allergic reaction to the Solarcaine. The towels helped for a little bit. I called catchild back after about thirty or so minutes, because slightly raised white spots were starting to come up in the sunburn. She said to take him to the ER. Now.

So, off to the ER we went. It stopped itching while we were waiting for the doctor and started hurting instead. Then the Benadryl kicked him. They gave him some drugs on the spot, and gave us a sunburn treatment worksheet to take home with us. They also gave him a perscription for two different painkillers. We haven't filled them out yet. He's sleeping for now. We're going to give him the standard sunburn treatment, and see how that goes. He doesn't want to fill out the perscription unless the pain gets bad enough for him to need perscription strength painkillers.

On the good side, the adreneline spike stopped my nausea. I've eaten, the headache's gone, and I actually feel much better. I still wish that we hadn't had to take Warin to the ER.

All in all, it's been one hell of a day.

I need to calm down and back off.

I am seriously over-stressed right now, and I don't have a clue how to go about fixing it.

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