omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Ritual)
Owing Kali a lifedebt is starting to look like a good option, here.

Yes, I read the most recent news on Iraq, why do you ask?

(And before anyone starts to think that I'm considering murder and/or suicide here: I'm a fertile female. Life for life is the price that Kali tends to ask, and it doesn't need to be a life lost. Never forget that Kali Durga is also Kali Ma.)
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Damnit all, I thought I knew how to do this! Ground, center, shield. Ground, center . . . shit, there goes my ground again.

-sigh- I am an empath. [ profile] catchild is not exactly in the most stable of headspaces at the moment, and will likely be like that for a while. I do not need to be broadcasting pain, despair, grief, and anguish all over the fucking place. Not being able to stuff the emotions back into the little box in my head that they've been in for the past year and a half isn't helping.

I need to deal with stuff that I hadn't dealt with because I needed to be stable for that year and a half. I needed to be stable, because Catchild and [ profile] ebonunicorn were damn near going nova. I still need to be stable, but what's inside that box needs to be dealt with. What's inside that box needs to be felt, never mind how much I don't want to deal with it, to feel it. There are things inside that box that I don't like to think came of me, because under all the pain is rage so strong that it is almost hatred.

And what's inside that box is leaking out and shredding the shields that keep me from ramming how I feel down the throats of every sensitive around me. Dear gods, those are just the leaks. I don't want to do this.

Unfortunately, I know that whether I want to or not, I need to.
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
Okay. I am Pagan. I believe in magic.

Simple statements, right? Explaining those statements gets very complex, very quick.

See, I believe in magic. I do not believe that I can throw a fireball at you and have you physically notice it. Sure, I can call an axe of energy into my hands, all bright and beautiful, with flames and light flowing along its blade. It won't get the firewood chopped. Most folks will more than likely never be able to see or feel it.

It will, however, do interesting things on a non-physical level. And, if I manage to land a blow on someone who is sensitive with it, they'll probably notice it.

Magic is real. It is also a subtle thing. Give someone who has an affinity for the weather a few months, and they can probably gently convince storm systems to build just so, and get lightning to strike in a generalized area. Throw a lightning bolt across a mall. Sure, but it won't affect anything on a physical level, let alone be visible.

Magic is an art form and a science, all in one. The boundaries of this world and those that border on it are thinner than most people realize, but it is the thinness of adamantine: As thick as a single tissue, yet impossibly strong. Magic is the art of coaxing portals in the walls that separate our world from others.

Magic is pulling energy from that which is around you. Walk into a field, and pull strength from the ground under you. Feel the resonance and power in the audience when you are listening to the Philharmonic Orchestra give its all. Channel the power of your own anger when you are enraged.

Yet none of this is physical. I feel the spirits and fey that inhabit my land, but I cannot see them. A dragon sleeps under my ridgetop, but you will never find him, no matter how deep you dig. I have wings, great feathered spans of colour, but my body cannot fly under its own power.

And yet some of this is physical. Things go missing in our house, and we will search for days, only to find whatever it was in a spot that we searched a dozen times over. My back muscles twinge and pull if I catch a wing in a door. Ebon literally radiates cold when he is enraged. Every day, I hear or read stories about true miracles, things that have happened that cannot be explained in any way, shape, or fashion.

How does one draw the line? I am an empath. Do I truly feel the emotions of those around me? Or am I so very skilled at reading body language that I can imagine how those around me feel with incredible accuracy? What is 'real', and what is 'magic'?

Open invitation to discussion. This is something that I've been wanting to get a chance to just talk with folks about for a while.


omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)

January 2013

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