Mouse in the Library

A check for the full amount of the balance owed to Warin's mom went out via registered mail today. Once we get the notice that it's been recieved, we're free of her. Free. Dear gods, that will feel so good. E-mail block, phone number block, return all mail unopened to sender . . .

-happysigh-

I know that there are folks (a fair number of which are on my f-list, even) that are trying to build something healthy with this woman. I really do wish them all the best, and ask that they understand that this is no longer an option for us. With one thing and another, I believe that it never really has been a realistic option.

He's tried, folks. If you cannot understand why he would choose to shut her out of his life, please at least try to understand that it was not a hastily reached descion. Nor is it one that anyone is likely to change.

And yeah, I'm damned happy to finally be able to close the door on her. And no, I'm not going to pretend to be anything other than overjoyed that very shortly, she will be someone we no longer have to deal with in any way, shape, or form.

This is her own damned fault, and as far as I'm concerned, she can suck on it 'till her teeth fall out.

Warin got a response. .

Right, then.

I am doing research on custidodial IRA accounts, since that's what Kathy said it was. So far, I'm finding that it should have been turned over to him when he turned 21.

They want Warin to go to family counseling with Kathy. They want him to explain why they're not allowed to see the kids anymore (they were given multiple warnings, and full reasons). They still think he owes them a sum of money on the loan that indicates that they are still applying intrest to it. This was not agreed to when the loan was originally loaned out, and while the loan is a legal debt, the intrest is not. They called him their 'prodigal son', who has 'squandered his inheritance on riotous living.'

Tomorrow, it's IRS time.

Please, don't try to explain their reasons to/for me right now. Abuse and general vicious, contolling behaviour is not excused by good intentions. It is not made lesser by good deeds performed in the past, present, or future. Do I think that they are demons? We are all our own angels and our own demons, so in that regard, yes, they are. They are their own demons; they destroy their own lives and relationships. They have souls, and wants, and needs, same as everyone else. And, like everybody else, they are capabale of both extreme good and mind-numbing evil, and all the shades of grey in between.

Asking me to have any kind of sympathy for them while they are doing their best to shred Warin in to little bitty bits where no one else can see is more than asking a bit much of me.

After this, our only contact with them is going to be loan payments. After that, well, we'll see if they've managed to get past the need to control everything that Warin does.

I'm not holding my breath.

I am going to go play WoW now. Hopefully, killing things online will help me calm down.

For those of you that remember the infamous Letter of Doom (tm) exchange between warinbear and his mother a few years ago, Warin received a somewhat imperious e-mail from his mother earlier this week, and has responded.

Woof. Dayum, Warin. Well, she's getting honesty. She's probably not going to like it, but she's getting honesty. And before anyone starts in, Warin responded to her all by himself, with no input from either louisadkins or myself. No, I will more not be posting the e-mail here, unless Warin gives me permission to do so. Even then, the only reason I would be posting it would be if Kathy starts misrepresenting what got sent.

As for me, I'm shaking my head in wonder and amazement, and randomly giggling.

Oh, catchild, I assume you will want a copy of the e-mail?

warinbear sent the e-mail a few days ago. K's reply came in today.

For the first time in my life online, I find myself wanting to post an e-mail. Namely, the one she sent us. Warin was not even able to get all of the way through it. The rest of us here at Sanctuary read it instead. We then proceeded to hug our bear. I don't know what to think of his response when someone referenced "Warin's mother" after he got the e-mail. "I have a mother?"

For those of you who know K, no, she still cannot see anything that she did as wrong. Warin has chosen to not respond. He knows that it will do nothing for how K thinks or acts, and it will not help him either. As for me, I want to reply to her. I have four years of pent up rage and despair to unleash in her face.

I want to reply to her e-mail. I want to explain to her in small words exactly how she lost her son. I want her to hurt the way my daughters are hurting, the way my husband is hurting. I want to see the dawning look of horror and despair on her face when she finally realizes all that she has done; when all the emotions that she has caused come home to roost.

I want her to live a very long life, alone, unwanted, and unloved, because Warin expected nothing less out of life because of her. Her God loves her, and I do not believe that she hears him crying as she steps further and further away from His teachings of compassion, love, mercy, kindness, and forgiveness.

I could almost wish right now to forget that I set an example for my children by my actions. I will probably write that letter, just to get it out of my system. I do not think that I will send it. It would do nothing, change nothing, and I am not getting into a shouting match with an abusive Schwein.

Don't ask me to wish for good things for her, please. It's all I can do at the moment to not actively wish for bad things for her. And the only reason I'm not is because she isn't worth the karma.

But-

May she get out of life exactly what she puts into it.

So, over the weekend, warinbear's mom (K) e-mails Bear-Cub. K tells Bear-Cub that the Huntsville Public Library will be having a birthday party for Harry Potter on Monday (today) and that she thought that Bear-Cub and her sister would be interested. Oh, and if no one else could drive, she could play driver for them.

We decided to go ahead and go. Let the kids spend some time with their Nana, let me spend some time with some very good friends. I practically grew up in that library. I was a volunteer and an employee there. I have friends there that remember me from when I was 7 years old. Therefore, I was perfectly fine with being around K there. My turf, y'see. Well, as fine with being around her as I was ever going to be. We drove ourselves, taking 2 cars so that louisadkins could go with me, catchild and all three girls.

Meeting old friends (library itself included in that category) was wonderful, the event was fun, all three girls had a blast. Phooka was in heaven in the toddler section. Catchild got to say hi to folks that she had met through me a few years ago, and I got to introduce Louis to old friends of mine.

Fast-forward about an hour and a half, to 5:30 in the evening. Catchild and I were needing food rather badly at that point. Louis goes in search of the two older girls. He found them with K. He told them that we needed to leave to get food, and that we needed to leave now. K was getting out pictures to show them at the same time that he was saying this. She said that she could just show them to the girls real quick first. Kids ignored Louis and dove into the pictures. Self-satisfied smile from K that the girls missed. Louis repeated himself on the needing to leave now angle four more times. He was ignored by both girls and by K. Fourth time, he informed the girls that if they did not move, they were going directly to bed upon our arrival at home.

Bear-Cub and Puppy moved. Bear-Cub was highly upset with having to go, and not happy about having a potential punishment tossed at her. Louis was (and still is) understandably upset about being ignored by both children and adult. Especially since Bear-Cub and K both know that Catchild is hypoglycemic. Bear-Cub also knows very well what happens when either of her mommies don't get food when they need to.

K was very obvious in comforting (and in my opinion, egging on) the upset Bear-Cub.

Okay. In review, that might seem like a small thing to be furious with a grandparent over. To review: K deliberately undermined Louis's authority with the girls. By example, she showed them that it was okay to ignore him. She then demonstrated to the girls that she felt that they shouldn't have gotten into any kind of trouble over it. She has done this to me, to ebonunicorn(Drkn), and to Catchild. I do not know if she has done it to Warin. I do know that both myself and Drkn usually catch most of it.

If past experience is any indication, the older girls will most likely ignore both myself and Louis for about a week or so.

I was furious and damn near hysterical with hurt and anger when we got home. I am now feeling very cold. K has finally crossed a line in my mind, and she has finally pushed to far.

My official parental vote on anything involving K is that the kids should not have contact with her. At all. Period. She refuses to stop undermining our parental authority with the girls. By doing so, she is teaching them by example that they do not have to listen to us or take us seriously. She is toxic, and it is my opinion that if we don't really trust her to be alone with the girls in the first place, why in the name of Hell are we letting her anywhere near our daughters at all? Yes, cutting her out of their lives now would hurt, but I think it's time we were actually honest with our children instead of hoping that K won't do something that'll screw them up for life.

Oh, wait. It's already to late on that front, isn't it? I say tell them the truth, hold them, hug them, remind them that we love them and that this is not their fault. Tell them all the things that we haven't been telling them about their Nana. And then get her the fuck out of their lives before she destroys them while we're waiting for her to do something 'obvious'.

My stance on this is no longer open to debate.



P.S. Catchild, I am not angry with you, this is not your fault, and I still love you very much, as I likely always will. While I am addressing several of your points, I am not upset with you. Okay?

Warin and I have been talking 'bout various and sundry stuff lately, and I've been hearing stuff from his brother, too. What I am hearing and my thought process in response to it leads me to but one conclusion:

I hate their mother.

Not dislike, or can't stand, or find annoying, or anything like that. No, I mean hate, as in, I truly hate only two people, and she is one of them.

I try very hard not to waste energy on hatred, but it does creep up on me. The fact that I love Warin with damn near every shred of feeling I have, and that I consider his brother to be a brother of my heart probably has something to do with my feelings towards their mother. Well, that and the fact that she left gaping emotional wounds on both of them. That probably has something to do with it too.

I just don't get it. I look at the two of them and see such wonderful men. They're loving, caring, have great senses of humour, are both incredibly intelligent, they *listen*, they help, they . . . They are Good People, and I just don't understand why their mother is so disapointed in them.

I see two men who have such beautiful souls, and then I see the damage that was done to them, and it makes me weep for what was taken from them. I work on helping Warin heal (something needs to be done so that his brother can move down here so that I can start helping *him*) and I push my rage and hatred down, because it will not help him. The few times that he's seen it, it (thankfully) did more good than harm. "You're *this* angry on *my* behalf?"

I don't really like hating someone, but I don't really know how to make it go away, either.