Good Grief

[omimouse]

I cannot believe I am actually asking this, but I'd rather not spend the next week beating self-doubt over the head.

Did I overreact?

If you don't know what I'm talking about . . . well, it's back only an entry or two, though the original post is locked. (And it's *staying* that way.) If you don't want to know, believe me, I'm not gonna get upset or offended.

This would be my reality check request.

Comments

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. But I obviously am biased. As are your friends, obviously, also biased.

Ironically, I would post my exact words here, but that would break the trust that I did try to maintain, of only discussing this specifically with the five adults in question, the post-Sanctuary folks in this situation.

Here. You have my explicit permission to repost exactly what I posted, word for word, in the much-alluded-to post (http://chaiya.livejournal.com/548963.html?nc=5), which has been much misinterpreted, from my point of view. You can also repost what I wrote in my followup post (http://chaiya.livejournal.com/549176.html). Other than those two posts, all of my comments should be viewable by your friends because they're all on your LJ posts. Both of my posts were written by me, filtered to Catchild, Ebon, Scott, Naomi, Louis, my husband, and Scott's two siblings who I keep in contact with, one of whom was on all of Naomi's relevant filters and has talked with me briefly about it, and one of whom doesn't actually read LJ but who is on the filter because that's how I set it up when I set up my family filter, lo these many years ago. It's how I thought of the people on that list, as being members of my family.

Repost these posts of mine to your flist, in public, whatever. I'll repeat, the thoughts which I posted to this teeny filter had no actual information (or even implied information) that wasn't already public, in terms of family issues, and far more detail has been posted by others (including Naomi) in comments on Naomi's subsequent public post than anything I had to say. Whether or not I was "right" in my opinions or thoughts, this whole argument doesn't seem to be about the actual information gleaned from said posts. Because you yourselves have said far more in public posts (as have your friends revealed far more in your public post) than I ever touched on. If I had it all to do over again, would I do it differently? Obviously. If I were rewriting history, I would do much differently, knowing what I know now. But did I do anything that deserved these lashings and public outcry? Please, try to be fair and consider -- let everyone consider -- what I actually wrote.

Then feel free to link to the various (http://omimouse.livejournal.com/97265.html?thread=276209#t276209) attacks (http://omimouse.livejournal.com/97265.html?thread=280817#t280817), most of which I can't link to anymore because I am no longer on that filter, and some of which are in said locked posts in my LJ, made by Louis. For that matter, I think most of the abuse consists of Louis shouting at me, although a lot of your friends jumped on the bandwagon, too, from what I can recall.

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

And ask this biased court of public opinion, the jurors being your own friends on your own little corner of the net, if I really did deserve it. I don't think I did. I didn't say what you wanted to hear, obviously, and we clearly have different definitions of etiquette and what is okay and what's not. But deserve threats of bodily harm? No. Nor would I inflict on you what you have sicced on me, were our situations reversed.

Honestly, I was trying to talk with you, this person who I thought of as a member of my extended family, who I thought was usually fairly even-minded ... I was trying to talk with all of you, which I think -- I still think -- is an utterly reasonable thing to do. And I am deeply sorry that you and Louis and possibly Scott think that, in doing so, I overstepped boundaries and broke your trust. I am sorry I can't understand your viewpoint on this, and you can't understand mine. I am sorry you can't see that that's not what I intended, or what I thought I was doing, or what I think I did even now. I'm sorry that you've reacted to your own interpretation of my words, rather than how I intended them. I am sorry that we don't have the same viewpoint, because if you had done the same thing to me (which, from a certain perspective, you have done worse, with all of this lambasting of me in public on your LJ), I might have told you I didn't want your input, but I wouldn't have attacked you, misrepresented you to my friends so that they offer to inflict bodily harm on you, and then decide that such a disconnect in our relating to one another this one time means that we can't ever relate to each other or trust one another again. Which is, y'know, what you've done thus far.

And, in case it isn't obvious, if I didn't still care, I wouldn't bother with all of this work of communicating and trying to explain. It may still come to just giving up because we can't make it work, but I'd really rather not throw the baby out with the bathwater, to use the obvious cliche.

[louisadkins.livejournal.com]

If you are really and truly interested in trying to resolve this, then please (pleasepleaseplease) give it a rest for a bit. With everything else, this is likely to get entangled in other stuff. Give it a few days, try talking sometime next week, just give it a bit.