(no subject)

[omimouse]

Fucking Goddess-damned Puritanical thought processes.

I don't share them, in fact, I honestly don't even understand them. And what little I do comprehend, disgusts me. Suffice it to say that I get told on a fairly frequent basis that I'm talking about something inapporopriate for the kids in front of them.

By your standards. Your standards. Welcome to Dutch standards.

I'm quite incredibly angry right now. If everyone else was really worried about all this shit, then we wouldn't be living in this arrangement. But we are. Therefore, my conclusion is that the rest of my family is overreacting something fierce out of fear. We're different, therefore we must be extra careful. It doesn't work like that.

We are going to sit down tomorrow, before game. We are going to sit, and the boundaries on 'inappropriate' are going to be figured out.

Because I'll be damned to the lowest pits of the Abyss before I give into the attitude that sex is a secret, and a dirty one at that, one that you never, ever, ever talk about. And I'll rip Sanctuary into shreds before I help my daughters pick that attitude up.

I've watched it damage or destroy too many people to be quiet.

Comments

UmmUmmm

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

I have this sick feeling I am probably going to regret this...

What has been said that has been deemed inappropriate?

Re: UmmUmmm

[omimouse.livejournal.com]

For the record, I've calmed down considerably. This was before dinner, after a rather stress-high day.

ebonunicorn (who has asked to be refferred to as Drkn when not using his LJ user name) made a lewd comment about the butter that catchild had asked for. I said Euw. A vague diuscussion of how different skin types absorb various oils in what ways followed. This led to me commenting that I was lucky and didn't need to use said oils in more personal fashions. Catchild commented that the olive oil was under orders of her midwife when she was pregnant with Puppy. Streching excercises.

I forget how we got to Catchild's comment that flashbacks lead to dryness for her. I responded that I counted myself very lucky that I was able to tell my partner if and when I needed to stop, including in the middle of sex. I think the exact wording was: "I'm lucky in that, I can, in the middle of sex, if need be, tell who I'm with 'No, no, no, need to stop'"

By my personal standards, the above conversation was not inappropriate. My standards differ from the American norm. I believe the words 'lube', and 'sex' were used, and that they were the most suggestive words used in the entire conversation.

Errrr, if I'm way the hell outta line on this one, please let me know. Really. Honest.

Re: UmmUmmm

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

I am not the judge of your household's rules.

That conversation would not be considered out of line in my own home.

Details of a specific sex act that had happened would be considered inappropriate in front of the kids. A general comment like that would not.

Households differ, certainly.

Re: UmmUmmm

[catchild.livejournal.com]

I am not the judge of your household's rules.

That conversation would not be considered out of line in my own home.

Part of 'omi's point is that we don't really have the rules hashed out. Last night was also following a compressed family meeting wich was very stressful. we need to sit down and figure out what is ok and what isn't, so we don't get difficulties cropping up from 20 different perspectives. (Both my mate and i are multipule so 4 bodies ~20 perspectives and ideas)

For the record, looking back over the conversation, i don't think it had actually crossed the line. It was getting close enough to my line to make me a bit uncomfortable at the time. Drkn's comment was out of line (imo).

Thanks for the input you give, we value it.

[dimers.livejournal.com]

I don't think the girls are going to want to talk, or hear, much about sex, but I also don't think they much care if it's your conversation. When you start talking about Harry Potter they'll be passionately interested in what you have to say. Years later, if you've been openly discussing the realities of sex in their presence, they'll be more comfortable finding out what they need to, and they'll have less they need to find out.

Unless sexual commentary is a trigger for someone, I urge discussion limits be set very high. Won't hurt the kids, will likely help them in the long run. My childhood environment wasn't frank, and to this day I'm embarassed, shy and hung-up about doing anything more than flirting (and even that, only one-on-one).

Good luck.

[mikailova.livejournal.com]

By your standards. Your standards. Welcome to Dutch standards.
I was trying to let things blow over before I posted this comment.
I'm not trying to be nasty or jump down anyone's throat, but there is something that I felt I needed to say.

This isn't Dutchland, it's the United States and some things that fly all right over there don't fly over here. Some things that are fine and dandy around kids there could get your children put in state custody here.

Case in point: A woman from Switzerland (I believe, it was Switzerland, I know it was a European country though) came to the US and was shopping. She left here daughter in the stroller outside the store in front of the big display window and went in to shop. This was a perfectly normal practice in her home country, but here she was arrested for child neglect, thrown into jail and here child was put into protective custody. (An extreme example, I know, but not completely irrelovent.

You live in a household of Americans who weren't raised with Dutch standards and these kids aren't going to live in Dutchland from most of what I've heard, so raising them with Dutch standards, while giving them a good understanding of other people, could cause the same kind of culture shock and problems that you are having right now. Remember to explain to them that different people are different so what you say in one house, might not be ok in another.

We're different, therefore we must be extra careful. It doesn't work like that.

I disagree. When you hold opions that run very different from the norm, you have to be careful, especially in the bible belt where we live. People are very narrowminded here and the girls are going to have enough problems very soon when they start high school and stuff and they need to be able to fit in somewhat. No, I'm not abdocating that they be slaves to popularity and sacrifice their uniqueness, but going to school with no friends, just because you and your family are different sucks. And having no friends outside your own household isn't healthy. Sorry, tired and that was so a tangent. Anyway, being careful here is very important, because people are so narrowminded and you don't want anything to end up hurting the children. Bearcub is old enough to know not to repeat everything she hears to anyone she talks to, but I'm not sure if Puppy is. If Puppy goes to school and starts talking about some of these things, it could have a bad effect. I'm not saying that this conversation in paticular was innapropriate, because I wasn't there, but in the future you might want to keep this in mind.