My Family

[omimouse]

I love y'all. I love the lot of you, and you're all acting like a bunch of schoolkids. Who's dating who? Who's going to the prom with who? Who gave who a bracelet? Who did you catch kissing whom behind the bleachers? Did they go all the way?

Yes folks, the whole lot of ya'll are coming across as that juvenile. I make no distinction, and I am not seperating you out. I am fed up with watching some of the most responsible, rational, intelligent people I know acting this immature.

My previous post was meant as a starting point for rational, reasonable, calm discussion of the problems the family is dealing with right now. It was *not* meant as the tinder for a flame-war! And you *all* helped throw oil on this fire. No "But Ebon's being too combative" or "reana doesn't visit enough" or catchild's being overly melodramatic" or "reana/catchild/Ebon is making ultimatums." This is one relationship that you *all* managed to fuck over. You weren't paying enough attention to each other, or you weren't allowing enough attention to be payed to you, or you weren't talking with each other or you were making it impossible for anyone to talk with you, etc., etc., etc.

Right. Well, I would like to point out that having four people decide what's going to happen to the family structure without giving the rest of the family a chance to salvage anything is really fucking inconsiderate. And I'm really tired of being told that this is a four person issue, especially when part of me is bound, heart, mind, and soul to one of the people that I stand to lose to this idiocy.

*I'm* making this an issue for the whole family. Not anyone else. Me. My insistence that the rest of us not get left out of discussions that affect the whole family is a good part of why people want all of us there on Sunday. *I* want everyone there, because I'm sick and tired of family-wide decisions being made by four people. And I swear by the Sword and Scales of the Lady Justice, I am *not* going to be there to defend any of the adults. Or have any of you thought to consider how this will affect the children?

Now, can everyone do me a really big favour? Back down from the ultimatums, *all* of you. *Please*. Take a deep breath. Count to or down from any number you choose, in whatever language you choose. Calm down. Ground. Center. Shield. Remember that you love each other. Remember that love. Remember how it feels. Let that feeling wash away the anger.

We love each other. Friends are the family that you chose, and we are friends and family to each other. And, to quote a very smart little talking donkey: "That's what friends do! They forgive each other!!"

Comments

sorry still no validation to reply, this is Dee

[reana.livejournal.com]

Honestly Omi I never thought you would but I do not beleive this is a place for the children to be at and if you and Bear dont care for them who will?

Re: sorry still no validation to reply, this is Dee

[fionnah.livejournal.com]

Finally validation !

After the conversation I had with Catchild my thoughts still stand. After meditation, grounding and calming, my thoughts still stand. I love each of you at Sanctuary and I will greatly miss you but I cannot allow myself to continue a friendship with someone who refuses to see another side. I am an adult, I love to play just like everyone else but I am an adult and I expect my friends to act like adults as well. I will not listen to someone else berate a friend. I see both Catchild and Reana as sisters. I love them equally but that does not mean that I have to like their behavior. I addressed what Catchild spoke to me in the previous entry and while yes this matter involves the entire family, myself included that does not mean that everyone has to be there. I do beleive that there should be another meeting after this for the entire family however, the core issues have to be solved. The core of this issue involves 4 people and only they can work it out. Adding more outside interference will only add to this. Catchild said that if the children were there that she beleives people will be less likely to be loud or violent. What if things do get loud or even need to get loud? Do the children need to be exposed to that? I truely do not beleive so.

You are right Omi, friends do forgive each other, at least they should. I do not see forgiveness coming from either side at this point and I do greatly want to see that However, if both sides cannot agree to try to be adult enough to sit together and work out the core of the problems then there is no friendship to be saved. As I said in my entry Omi, I thought on it and even slept before I made it. It was not made in anger or hurt, just straight and to the point. I answered what was said in a telephone conversation that I could not answer on the phone for fear of hurting Catchild by lashing out instead of it being stated honest and straight forth. You know as well as anyone I can be incredibly cold when hurt and I did not want that directed at someone.

So, I ask again and understand this is still the same as stated before. Will Ebon and Catchild meet with Reana and J this Sunday with myself, Titiania and Louis to work at the core of the issue before anything else is brought into this?

Re: sorry still no validation to reply, this is Dee

[catchild.livejournal.com]

"So, I ask again and understand this is still the same as stated before. Will Ebon and Catchild meet with Reana and J this Sunday with myself, Titiania and Louis to work at the core of the issue before anything else is brought into this?"


reana and ebon are emailing each other about who, when, and where. you will not be mediator. demanding that someone do something your way or loose you as a friend is part of why i will not accept you as mediator. you did not ask if sunday would be ok and you did not ask if you were the best choice for mediator. you hand down demands and ultimatums. i had already agreed to being at a discussion that invoved j provideing it is not in my territory, before you started demanding things. we had tried contacting reana to see if one of several people would be acceptable to everyone, she is responding to ebon's email and to omi's email. her suggestion was for the 17 or 18 not the 11. you don't have all the information from any side and i never said i'd walk out if i didn't like what i was hearing i said i could take my children and my mate and leave if i felt that i was being attacked. if you think i will leave because i don't like what is said you don't know me. i already know i won't like what is said. i already know i will be hurt and that if i want to salvage anything of my friendship with reana i will have to listen to her tell me everything i did wrong and am doing wrong and not respond to it, beyond telling her what if anything i can do to make ammends. yes reana *was* *my* mate as well as ebons. i am mourning the loss of one mate already. i am hopeing not to loose the friendship as well.

Re: sorry still no validation to reply, this is Dee

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It sounds like everyone is already hurt in this situation, and you're all trying to figure out an approach together that will meet your individual needs. I hope that you are successful. *morehugs*

Re: sorry still no validation to reply, this is Dee

[catchild.livejournal.com]

so do i. hugs. i'd call or write more but i don't wnt to inflict my instability on you.

[reana.livejournal.com]

Family is family, Omi. There's nothing saying that family can't have severe disagreements and be hurting. Unfortunately, the people you love the best have the power to hurt you the worst.

As for the kids, yes, I have thought about them. All of them. I have asked at least twice that I not be barred from seeing Holly and/or the kids, depending on what happens. If nothing else, I'll send the kids cards and presents via mail. I want those girls to know I love them. I love you all. Regardless of what happens, I want as many of you who are willing to do so to stay in contact.

We love you all. Remember that.

[catchild.livejournal.com]

you will ****not**** be barred from my kids.( did i emphasise the not enough?) if you don't feel you can be around me without j then i can have warin take them up for visits. *you* are not barred from me, J is. just like your perceptions of ebons actions are not rational, my perceptions are not rational on J; for that matter neither are ebons.

i love you and i miss you. you will always be my sister and i will always consider you a friend. even if the friendship must be long distance because i can not deal with one of your mates.

my children have already lost one person they call aunt. i'd rather they didn't loose another. i did promise the bear-cub that i'd try to arrange for them to see you and logan at least once a month preferably twice a month. this is me asking.

[reana.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. Thank you very much. That helps more thanyou can know.

I love you and your kids. That will never change.