Emotional Crap

[omimouse]

Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Ground, center, shield. Damnit all, I thought I knew how to do this! Ground, center, shield. Ground, center . . . shit, there goes my ground again.

-sigh- I am an empath. catchild is not exactly in the most stable of headspaces at the moment, and will likely be like that for a while. I do not need to be broadcasting pain, despair, grief, and anguish all over the fucking place. Not being able to stuff the emotions back into the little box in my head that they've been in for the past year and a half isn't helping.

I need to deal with stuff that I hadn't dealt with because I needed to be stable for that year and a half. I needed to be stable, because Catchild and ebonunicorn were damn near going nova. I still need to be stable, but what's inside that box needs to be dealt with. What's inside that box needs to be felt, never mind how much I don't want to deal with it, to feel it. There are things inside that box that I don't like to think came of me, because under all the pain is rage so strong that it is almost hatred.

And what's inside that box is leaking out and shredding the shields that keep me from ramming how I feel down the throats of every sensitive around me. Dear gods, those are just the leaks. I don't want to do this.

Unfortunately, I know that whether I want to or not, I need to.

Comments

[elialshadowpine]

*hugs*

If you need someone outside the situation to talk to ... I'm here. Cat has my phone number, email is mistressnonny@gmail.com and AIM is mistressnonny.

*more hugs*

[omimouse.livejournal.com]

I think I'll take you up on that. Most likely via e-mail; typing speed for me isn't the best right now. And also most likely some time tomorrow, as louisadkins is requesting my company in bed.

[elialshadowpine]

E-mail's great. Will be looking for it. :)