Good Stuff and Not So Good Stuff

[omimouse]

Good Stuff:

louisadkins and I are getting handfasted on March 26, this year. We asked each other and checked with OSO's and such last week. Yaaay us! Need vows and nice clothes. Rings would also be good. And family, and stuff for party afterwards. No, neither of us really needs all that much in the way of ceremony, why do you ask?

The washing machine was easy to fix.

The van seems to have repaired herself. The techs couldn't find anything wrong with her at all.

We're going to chaiya and hakadamare's wedding this April. Not needing to fix the van freed up $2000 out of the tax returns.

We now have sattellite Internet access. Much better than the ISDN lines that we had. Come Monday, TDS will come unhook the ISDN lines, and our phones will be much, much more reliable. ISDN good, TDS's setup baaaad.

The living room is clean. The kitchen is almost all the way clean. We're shoveling our way through Mount Laundry. It's amazing. Two days without a working washer, and the laundry piles like all hell. warinbear is doing the grocery shopping.

While we were cleaning, we had a mix CD going. I got to listen to Louis and Warin singing along to Cat's in the Cradle, Kiss From A Rose, Tainted Love, Needle and the Damage Done, Born to Be Wild, and Magic Carpet Ride.

Not So Good Stuff:

ebonunicorn and catchild are not in the best of moods. (Yes, and the sun is just a touch on the warm side. Zeus sort of liked women. Kali's just a little feisty. You get the idea.) There seems to be little to nothing that the rest of us can do about this. Not allowing oneself to be steamrolled over by them has been resulting in reactions like so: "Well, I'll just shut-up then." "Fine. I just won't buy anymore/repair it anymore/ask anymore." "Screw/Fuck it." "I can't seem to say anything without pissing people off, so I'll just go hide in my room." "Fine. I'll just stop feeling." "It's all my fault; I'm a horrible parent/person." "I just won't tell anyone when I have a problem with something anymore."

I'd love to know what, precisely, in the fuckin' hell the problem is. I don't know what's triggering Catchild's flashes at the moment. I think that's most of what's making Drkn grumpy, but I don't know for certain. I'd love to be able to help. I'm tired of being shut-out, pushed away, shoved aside, or ignored by them. They seem to have decided that everyone leaves anyway, and that it'll just be a matter of time before Louis, Warin, and I leave them too. Ever tried living with someone who's fallen into that pit?

Don't get me wrong here. I love them both very, very much. I don't want to leave, and I don't want them to go away, either. I'm just very tired of the fact that they seem to have been cherishing their doom, gloom, and angst for the past year, and actively fighting any attempt at all to pull them out of it. It feels like they want to be despair-ridden, work-burdened, the ones who always have to do everything all the time. It halfway feels like they decided to hire Stephen R. Donaldson to write their lives for them, and they're pissed off with the rest of us for suggesting that maybe someone else would be a good idea?

Not that Warin, Louis, or myself have been reacting the best to them lately, either. Though, to be perfectly blunt and honest here, responding to the angst with verbal slaps seems to be at least getting their attention. At this point we've progressed far beyond suggesting and all the way up to snapping back at them. No, I don't think it's a good way to react. Far from it. I just don't have the energy left to deal with it any other way.

I had to grow up a lot when I moved out of my parent's house. Warin had to grow up a lot when he started actively dealing with his depression. Is it too much to ask that Drkn in particular and Catchild to a lesser extent start acting like adults instead of like children who throw a tantrum or go sulk when they don't get exactly their way?

I don't know what else to do here, guys. This is my viewpoint, I know. The only reason I honestly think that it's actually an accurate representation of what's going on is because I've listened to Louis and Warin say the same things. And Dragon. And I'm watching Bear-Cub pick up the same bad habits.

And dear Lord and Lady, I love them both so much that it makes my heart ache to think of it. And I don't want to loose them. I can't help them unless they're willing to let me. And more importantly, they don't seem to want to help themselves. Then again, I'm expecting them both to mouse or blow-up at me over this.

Not that that's going to help matters any, but those are the reactions that I'm expecting.

Comments

[odanu.livejournal.com]

They both sound like they, too have clinical depression. Both probably need to get to a physician and/or mental health clinician for medication and/or coping techniques to help them deal with it. Yes, depression can manifest as irritability. This I know firsthand.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

The problem is, trying to get someone with clinical depression to go see a doctor can be a task that makes what Hercules had to do look like a stroll on the beach.

[odanu.livejournal.com]

This too I know.

[elialshadowpine]

Like odanu said, clinical depression could easily be a cause... the trouble there would be getting them to see that. I've learned the hard way that it can be nearly impossible to get someone to see what their behavior is really like and what it's doing to others.

It's also a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy... they both believe that they are at the core unloveable, not worthy of receiving love/affection... so they behave in ways that will push those who do away. It's rather common, actually.

You can bring it up with them, but honestly, I don't know how much good it would do... I think the thing you need to ask at this point is, if their behavior doesn't change, is it worth staying in a close relationship with them?

*hugs*

Sorry I'm not more helpful/coherent... caught a really bad stomach virus yesterday and am trying not to fall asleep at the keyboard here... :P