Polyish Ramblings

[omimouse]

I've been hearing (and reading, for that matter) lots of stuff about the poly communities appearing to not have a lot of love in them.

And I find myself really wanting to post about the V that I'm currently in. That, and the whole family setup out here at Sanctuary. Problem is, I don't want to come across as holier-than-thou about it. Yes, we've got our share of problems, same as any family.

So I think I'll go with how I tripped into poly.


I was about 13 or 14 when my parents first got an Internet connection. I was also really into Star Wars. Being a serious bibilophile, I started looking for new stuff to read out on the 'Net. That was how I found the fan-fiction sites, lists, newsgroups, and communities. From there, I found X-Files fanfic.

After about a year or so, I'd read through every G, PG, and PG-13 story on the X-Files fanfic archives, and I wanted something new to read. This lead to R, and then, to NC-17 rated stories. Some of them were good, some were just sort of there. Then there were the the fantastic ones, and conversely, the atrocious ones. In any case, I went through all of those in about six months. From there I went to slash.

And from slash, I found another category: The threesome. I was intrigued by the idea, since most of the authors that I read at that point weren't just writing sex scenes, they were detailing the relationship itself. I thought the whole thing sounded neat, filed it away in my brain, and kept reading.

I started loking for a gaming group round about the time I was 18. That was how I met warinbear, catchild, and ebonunicorn(Drkn) for the first time. Warin picked me up at the library to meet the group and talk a bit about gaming systems and scheduling and such. Within the first hour, I had them (almost!) correctly pegged as a three-way couple. (Almost, but not quite. Warin and Drkn are both decidedly het.) On the drive home, Warin started to mention that maybe I had noticed that his and Catchild's marriage wasn't conventional . . .

The conversation went thusly:
Me "I'm Dutch."
Warin "I don't understand."
Me "What legally consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms (and homes, when children aren't present) together is none of my business, unless bones are being broken on a frequent enough basis to be dangerous."
Warin " . . . . . ." (insert jaw-dropping here)

Years later, Warin told me that I was the first person to so completely and unconditionally accept the family as they were.

A year went by. I was starting to become seriously interested in Drkn. And Catchild. And, a few weeks after Drkn and I got into bed together, I found myself curled up next to Warin, afterglowing and happy. And, a few months later, a fun timble on the couch and in the shower with Catchild, which, for the record, remains the extent of my sexual experience with the same gender. (Not, BTW, for lack of desire, just time and energy. Two biggies, those. That, and I haven't exactly been looking, mind you. But, I digress.)

We shall skip over me moving out of my paternal home. Suffice it to say that it was not pleasant. The following months we shall also brush but lightly. The important highlights were:

- I had to do a lot of growing up. A lot. No, more than that. Think about a decade of growth.
- Warin's depression steadily grew worse, putting a serious strain on his marriage with Catchild.
- Drkn and I amicably ended the romantic side of our relationship, and Warin and I realized that we were feeling very serious about each other indeed.
- F, who had been Warin's lover and who had been living with the family broke up with Warin. Messily. Very messily.
- Warin's mother did some not very nice things that resulted in the family moving to TN over a three month period.

In the end, Warin and Catchild's romantic relationship did not survive 2002. I spent almost that entire year being the next best thing to a therapist that Warin had, something that I never, ever want to do again for as long as I live. Warin needed equal doses of carrot and stick, and I was the one who either held his hand or made the healing road the easy one, because all other paths had me standing in front of them. I gave him what he needed for a year, not what he wanted. Yes, Warin was (and still is) on anti-depressants. Somewhere in there, louisadkins moved out to TN, and became a major part of the family. And Catchild got pregnant.

Phooka was born in January of 2003. Warin and I were handfasted on Feb 28, the same year. He and Catchild were rebuilding their friendship. Louis was also carefully courting Catchild.

2003 saw the end of Drkn and Catchild's relationship with R. It was very unpleasant, nasty, and generally bad all around. And that is all the detail that I really feel like going into right now on that matter.

2004 saw Warin and Catchild's friendship make a damn near complete recovery. Warin was (and still is) doing much, much better. And then, in mid-April, Louis and I came to the realization that we were interested in each other. Much talking with SOs and STD testing later, we became romantically involved.

It took me about two months or so to realize that what I had thought was going to be a matter of loving bed-buddies was not. It took me another month to admit that I'd fallen rather thoroughly in love. So had he. It was another few months before I realized that he was as important to me as Warin was, and that I felt equally as strong about them. It also seems that I was the last person to figure this out. At this point, I'm pretty much waiting to make sure that the NRE has worn off and then I'll double-check with Warin, Catchild, and Drkn. After that, there's likely to be a proposal and an exchange of rings in the future.

I'm 23 now. I have, without trying to, wound up as the point in a V. And believe me, I'm not complaining! I am incredibly happy in my relationships with my guys. Just as importantly, they are comfortable with each other. They get along together. They actively like each other.

We passed the six month mark a few weeks or so ago. There are arguments, and disagreements, and times when we get pissy with each other. We forget things, and sometimes we inadvertently hurt each other. Sometimes we just annoy the living hell out of each other.

And I still remember that night, 'round about 11:00 or so, a few months ago. Louis and I were hungry and wanting to go out to eat. Warin was also wanting to get out of the house. We drove up to Columbia, all three of us, and sat in a Waffle House and ate and talked and laughed together. I don't even remember what we talked about, just that we jumped topics as frequently as alt.callahans. We got back home sometime after 1 in the morning, and talked and laughed some more. We sort of fell into bed and fell asleep at some point, with me in the middle. Warin and Louis tell me I tried to steal all the covers and most of the pillows. I say they both snored and that they didn't wake up fast enough when I needed to go pee. I woke up the next morning with my arm asleep, a crick in my neck, my knee at an akward angle, and to Louis's smile before his head went south. We woke Warin up over the next few minutes, and he smiled and held me.

We got about five minutes worth of cuddling and afterglow time before Bear-Cub, Puppy, and Drkn's son started arguing, Phooka started shrieking, and one of the cats got stuck halfway under the door trying to escape into the safety of our room.

I still wouldn't trade this. Not for anything.

Comments

[terriblelynne.livejournal.com]

That's so beautiful and so honest and so wonderful. Thank you for sharing. *hug*

[catchild.livejournal.com]

dayum mousie you write like i wish i could.