Slice of Me

[omimouse]

I am an addictive personality. I know this. I am contact addicted, social interaction addicted, emotional intimacy addicted, caffeine addicted, carmel colouring addicted, chocolate addicted, book addicted, and mental stimulation addicted. My addiction to the Internet is actually a conglameration of several of the above addictions.

I can manage a day without Coke (the soda!), and then I start to get irritable, anxious, and bitchy. By day two, I start having headaches. By day three, the headaches are migraines, and I'm ready to kill anything that's daring to breathe within a mile of me. Chocolate releases the same chemical into your system that orgasm does, so love-making usually takes the place of chocolate consumption. It also feeds my various emotional addictions, as well as being healthier for me than large amounts of chocolate.

Mental stimulation is fed by books, social interaction, games that require constant thought and attention,(I have been known to play SimCity 2K at Cheetah speed, just for the mental challenge of keeping up with the game. No pausing, and disasters were left on.) puzzles, anything that keeps my mind occupied. Mental inactivity drives me absolutely fucking nuts. I get antsy after prolonged bouts of menial, mindless labour, and will drive those around me insane by trying to carry on conversations with them. Without letting my mouth slow down my thought process. I am told that I talk insanely fast when I forget to hobble my vocal chords. I will also start to poke into anything and everything around me if my mind is not kept sufficiently occupied. For those of you who know the GURPS system, I have the Curious disadvantage at -20. And every GM in the house who has GMed GURPS agrees with that statement.

Social interaction. This is fed by the Internet and my family. I get antsy and lonely after a day of being alone, and am actively a nervous wreck after two days of little or no interaction and/or physical contact. I am damn near unable to function if I do not have people to talk with on a daily basis. I am a social creature, and am most comfortable when my all my family is at home. I am also highly touch-oriented. See also: Cuddle-slut. I have to actively remember that most people do not consider casual touch to be an acceptable part of standard communication. Luckily for me, most of family is also highly touch-oriented. Most anyone else would consider me to be annoyingly clingy. I just have a different standard for acceptable levels of public affection than most of the society that I live in does.

Reading. I think that I would literally go insane if I had to spend a week not being allowed to read anything at all. I love the way books smell. I love the sound of paper pages rustling. I was reading by the time I was 4, and I was reading at full adult level by the time I was 6. Every teacher I have ever had in the U.S. started out amazed by my proficiency, and rapidly progressed to annoyance at the fact that I literally would not stop reading for anything. Including class. They ignored the fact that I consistently passed every test I had, often surpassing my classmates.

I honestly don't think I'm suited to be anything other than a professional student or a librarian. At least not in a professional capacity.

Comments

You wanna be a librarian?

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

If you want to be a lirbrarian or want to talk to someone about what it takes, you might want to get in contact with renegadelibr.

Re: You wanna be a librarian?

[warinbear.livejournal.com]

<laugh> She doesn't want to be a librarian -- she is a Librarian. It's almost a religion for her. The fact that she used to work in a library is merely confirmation of her vocation.

She might never get her MLS (and, for that matter, might never work in a public library again, in part because of our location), but I believe she'll always think of herself that way.

Of course, if renegadelibr were local, we might be talking with him anyway -- we've been wanting to set up martial arts training for the family for a while. Scheduling is a b!tch, though, and trying to coordinate across several state lines would be even worse. <g>

Re: You wanna be a librarian?

[omimouse.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I'll ever get an MLS, but to me, that's secondary to getting to work where I want to again: On the floor, at the Youth Services Desk of a good library. I volunteered there for four years, and then the department head was finally able to get HR to hire me on as an employee for almost two more years. Then we moved, and I could not financially find a way to drive approximately 60 miles one-way for a part time job at $6.15/hr.

As it is, warinbear has a job, Ebon needs one and is far more likely to not only get one, but also get a higher paying one than I am, and louisadkins has a job. Three jobs, three vehicles. And three kids, housework, and starting up a farm back home. I've stopped the active job search for now in favour of child-care and house- and farm-work. It's actually quite enjoyable. I'm still keeping an eye open for local job openings, but I think that practicality is going to have me staying home to help with kids, house, and farm.

I'd like a job, yes, but mostly only for the additional income it would bring in. I'm quite content to stay at home and help build something that's important to me.

Somewhere out there, there is a militant feminist screaming about how I need to liberate myself. -sigh-

Sorry. You posted a one sentence comment, and got a long ramble in response. Mostly because I can't seem to find a good stopping place in all this. Although the mostly naked husband behind me on the bed is certainly an excellent source of encouragement to wrap this up sometime soonish. Uhm. 'Night-night.

jobness

[dimers.livejournal.com]

Yer also qualified to be a professional research subject.

Your addictive patterns are likely the result of unmet emotional needs; or possibly in your case a backlog of previous unmet needs.

Re: jobness

[omimouse.livejournal.com]

-shrug- For the most part, they're all pretty easy to meet. In some cases, they're even good for me. I've found that when I get lost in thought, I start to walk, wander, move about, and so on. It helps make excercise go by faster, or at least helps make it feel like it's going by faster.

I'm loved and I love, I'm happy, I have children, a large amount of land, a decent house, and high-speed Internet access. That right there takes care of my emotional needs and/or wants. My childhood was mostly shit, yeah. Digging through it repeatedly is something that I've decided not to do. I'll never get an apology from those responsible, and I've dealt with or am dealing with the destructive behaviour patterns that were caused by my childhood. I deal with what happened to me when I need to, and get on with enjoying my life otherwise.

Living in the pain and unfairness of the past does not make for a happy present or future.