Body Thoughts
Jan. 15th, 2004 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omimouseOver the past few weeks, I've been seeing a fair amount of folks (and reading and hearing) that aren't happy about their bodies. This ranges the gamut from "Need to work out more" to "I wish my chest was bigger/smaller" to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
warinbear's minor grumblings about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body to me being a generally curious mouse and doing some reading on transgender/transsexual folks.
My first conclusion is that I am fascinated by people and cultural and societal concepts. I am endlessly curious about . . . well, to be honest, about anything and everything.
My second conclusion came about when, out of this curiousity, I tried to imagine myself as other than I was.
It didn't work. Trying to imagine myself as being taller or having a narrower bone structure almost made my brain lock, and when I tried to envsion myself as male, my brain tried to crash. With a great deal of mental effort, I can imagine my hair colour being a few shades away from what it is now. I can also very easily see myself once more of my fat transfers to muscle. But as for major changes? It just will not compute. Although, I can easily see myself with wings, a tail, and retractable claws. Then again, I can damn near feel those body features all the time anyway, so that's not really a change as far as I'm concerned. That's just stuff that's not currently attached to me physically. And even then, it's only a minor change. The claws are more like very strong, sharp, and retractable guitar picks; the tail is a standard mouse tail, adapted to human size. The most noticable thing about the wings is the fact that I love rainbow patterning, so the feathers follow the ROYGBIV colour pattern. (digress, digress . . .)
This actually makes me feel pretty good. I feel at home in my body. It feels right to me. While I'd like to change a few things (namely, I'd like to to get more of my fat to become muscle) it's nothing *major*. I like being female. (No, let me correct that: I *am* female. The very act of trying to imagine myself in a male body gave me the barest inkling of how folks that got stuck in the wrong gender body must feel. It felt incredibly wrong.) I like my hair, eye, and skin colour. I generally even like being short! Considering the extent and severity of the self-image problems I was having not all that long ago, this is a really big victory for me. That, and I had the realization of just how lucky I am. So many people out there got stuck in a body and/or gender that just does not fit them. I lucked out. I managed to get a perfect fit.
warinbear's minor grumblings about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body to me being a generally curious mouse and doing some reading on transgender/transsexual folks.My first conclusion is that I am fascinated by people and cultural and societal concepts. I am endlessly curious about . . . well, to be honest, about anything and everything.
My second conclusion came about when, out of this curiousity, I tried to imagine myself as other than I was.
It didn't work. Trying to imagine myself as being taller or having a narrower bone structure almost made my brain lock, and when I tried to envsion myself as male, my brain tried to crash. With a great deal of mental effort, I can imagine my hair colour being a few shades away from what it is now. I can also very easily see myself once more of my fat transfers to muscle. But as for major changes? It just will not compute. Although, I can easily see myself with wings, a tail, and retractable claws. Then again, I can damn near feel those body features all the time anyway, so that's not really a change as far as I'm concerned. That's just stuff that's not currently attached to me physically. And even then, it's only a minor change. The claws are more like very strong, sharp, and retractable guitar picks; the tail is a standard mouse tail, adapted to human size. The most noticable thing about the wings is the fact that I love rainbow patterning, so the feathers follow the ROYGBIV colour pattern. (digress, digress . . .)
This actually makes me feel pretty good. I feel at home in my body. It feels right to me. While I'd like to change a few things (namely, I'd like to to get more of my fat to become muscle) it's nothing *major*. I like being female. (No, let me correct that: I *am* female. The very act of trying to imagine myself in a male body gave me the barest inkling of how folks that got stuck in the wrong gender body must feel. It felt incredibly wrong.) I like my hair, eye, and skin colour. I generally even like being short! Considering the extent and severity of the self-image problems I was having not all that long ago, this is a really big victory for me. That, and I had the realization of just how lucky I am. So many people out there got stuck in a body and/or gender that just does not fit them. I lucked out. I managed to get a perfect fit.
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Body
Date: 2004-01-15 01:15 pm (UTC)Like you, I do like being short and female. I just wanna be STRONG, short and female.
Re: Body
Date: 2004-01-15 03:58 pm (UTC)I hear you on that one. Reading through your stuff on excercise is actually what helped give me that extra kick in the rear to start working out more myself.
I guess what I'm getting at is that, while I want to be in good shape again, it no longer bothers me that healthy and strong for me is still short and stocky. Though I will admit that having the scale tell me that I've gained five pounds when folks are commenting on the fact that I look thinner, and pants that were tight a month ago are now sliding off of my hips is somewhat jarring.
I'd still like to throttle my mom for teling me that I was badly overweight when I was 127 pounds and 5". That was right after we'd spent 2.5 years in the Netherlands, where I was walking and/or biking for at least an hour every day. Best shape I've been in my whole life.
Re: Body
Date: 2004-01-15 05:31 pm (UTC)I like my body
Date: 2004-01-15 03:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 09:34 pm (UTC)