May. 21st, 2010

omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse dryad (Forest Mouse)
Home again. Feel bad for how much I needed to be home, when I have to leave Amber in the hospital. She's still doing good, no signs of any brain bleeds or organs not working. One of the nurses who works with her commented that while you can't say that anyone with this much equipment attached is doing 'great', Amber is, 'doing wonderful'. Nurse has 20 ish years of NICU experience under her belt, and seems pretty sure that little one is doing really good so far.

Still crying off and on. Back to babies and small children making my throat tighten and my heart hurt. Well aware that at least some of this is the hormones, but it's not like I don't have real things to be feeling very upset about. Scared and angry and upset about. One of the more mundane of those is that with the way they had to cut my uterus in the c-section, I can never go into actual labour. Any births from here on out are now automatically c-sections for me.

Amber's next milestone is in a few days, on Tuesday. She'll be a week old at that point, and if she can make it to that, her chances to keep on making it go up somewhat notably. We'll be calling the NICU every day, probably once in the morning and once in the evening. Don't have the gas money to be down there every day, and neither of us really feels emotionally up to staying in the Ronald McDonald House. Moot point anyway, as we live close enough to the hospital to not qualify for a room at the House.

It almost feels like a cruelty, how easily I am beginning to produce milk. Up until 10 days ago, whether or not I would be able to breastfeed was my main concern about the pregnancy. Sure, I was uneasy about the high blood pressure, but I was sure that it would turn out like my mom's pregnancy with me had.

The next month is going to be the hardest, I think. After that, we'll still be worried and scared, of course. It's just that her chances will be so much incredibly better by then.

Louis will likely have the more frequent updates right now.


omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)

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