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By the pricking of my thumbs . . .

moonstaf made an entry that . . .

I don't know what to call the feeling it evoked. Instant and complete understanding, perhaps? I know what she's talking about, because I feel it too. My dreams over the last few months have not been restful.

I know how it feels to be shot, whether by bullets, arrows, or bolts. I know what broken limbs feel like. I know the smell of blood, smoke and bodily wastes as they intermingle on a battlefield. I know what it feels like to drive a knife into someone's lower abdomen. I know how it feels to hold someone, to look into their eyes as they die. I have woken up with my hands clenched so tightly that my nails were almost opening my palms because I was holding a knife that tightly in dream. I have woken up and gone straight to catchild, running hands over her, holdong her, because I had just woken up from holding her as she bled to death in my arms. A few months ago, I woke up and spent a good five minutes wondering why the guards were not at their assigned posts, why there were unshuttered windows, and where all the weapons were, because I was supposed to be able to walk the length and breadth of the house and always be within arm's reach of a weapon. Last night, I and several others aimed and fired homemade rocket launchers at a tank line and I still remember the screams as the men inside that hadn't died instantly burned to death. I still remember Ebon and I leading two prisoners through the woods and only speaking in a Dutch-German mix, because too many people understood English, so that language wasn't safe.

For the past four months, my only dreams (and almost every night, at that) have been of fighting, or of the aftermath that follows a battle, and they have been incredibly vivid and real. The back of my neck feels like it's been rubbed with poison ivy, and I've been feeling increasingly restless. The feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something has been plauging me, and I don't even know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing, which is driving me even crazier!

And I find out that I'm not the only one who's feeling this . . . itch? premonition? impending storm? Whatever it is, it makes me feel a bit better to know that I'm not the only one feeling restless and uneasy for no discernable reason. If I'm totally nuts, then at least I'm not the only one.