Poly Negotiations
Sep. 20th, 2004 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omimouseIt occured to me the other day that picking up another romantic relationship is nowhere near as simple as, say, buying two gallons of milk and a loaf of bread down at the corner store.
Example: About six months ago,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
louisadkins and I realized that we were both interested in seeing where a more romantic relationship would go. At this point, my first set of criteria had already been met. I loved (and still love) Louis a great deal, was attracted to him, I liked him a great deal, and he returned all of the above. Step two was to start talking with the other people that we were in relationships with. He and I talked (together and seperately) with my husband, warinbear. Warin already knew Louis well enough at the point that he said he was fine with us starting a romantic relationship. His single request was that we do our best to prevent a pregnancy.
Next, we talked withcatchild, who Louis has been courting, and with ebonunicorn, Catchild's husband. Ebon had some health issues that he wanted addressed, and they both required me to show up clean on a full spectrum STD test. Louis had already cleared one a month or so prior. We all fully expected me to show up clean (I did), but the STD test is one of this family's deal-breakers. As in, if you don't have recent (12 months being the farthest back that we'll accept for these purposes) paper work showing that you're clean, and aren't willing to go and get tested, and show us the paperwork, you won't bw getting involved with any of us. Period.
Veto power is one of those nebulous things. Warin does not like the idea of me telling him, point blank, "No, you're not allowed to do that." He takes my feelings very seriously, and a statement from me that I'd really rather he not get into a relationship with somebody carries damn near the same weight with him that a veto does in other realtionships. There are three women where he would not be welcome in my bed any longer if he slept (let alone had sex with) with them. I have told him this, and explained my reasons. I also made damn sure that I told him this in a calm, non-confrontational manner. No, I'm not going to say who they are, nor am I going to explain my extreme distaste for said women.
Other than that (and I can't believe that I'm about to say this) the question and answer session of this post is now officially open.
Example: About six months ago,
louisadkins and I realized that we were both interested in seeing where a more romantic relationship would go. At this point, my first set of criteria had already been met. I loved (and still love) Louis a great deal, was attracted to him, I liked him a great deal, and he returned all of the above. Step two was to start talking with the other people that we were in relationships with. He and I talked (together and seperately) with my husband, warinbear. Warin already knew Louis well enough at the point that he said he was fine with us starting a romantic relationship. His single request was that we do our best to prevent a pregnancy.Next, we talked with
catchild, who Louis has been courting, and with ebonunicorn, Catchild's husband. Ebon had some health issues that he wanted addressed, and they both required me to show up clean on a full spectrum STD test. Louis had already cleared one a month or so prior. We all fully expected me to show up clean (I did), but the STD test is one of this family's deal-breakers. As in, if you don't have recent (12 months being the farthest back that we'll accept for these purposes) paper work showing that you're clean, and aren't willing to go and get tested, and show us the paperwork, you won't bw getting involved with any of us. Period.Veto power is one of those nebulous things. Warin does not like the idea of me telling him, point blank, "No, you're not allowed to do that." He takes my feelings very seriously, and a statement from me that I'd really rather he not get into a relationship with somebody carries damn near the same weight with him that a veto does in other realtionships. There are three women where he would not be welcome in my bed any longer if he slept (let alone had sex with) with them. I have told him this, and explained my reasons. I also made damn sure that I told him this in a calm, non-confrontational manner. No, I'm not going to say who they are, nor am I going to explain my extreme distaste for said women.
Other than that (and I can't believe that I'm about to say this) the question and answer session of this post is now officially open.
