Far be it from me to defend Kathy -- I don't play that way.
However. I do actually love and appreciate Grampa. I think he's too fond of patting girls on the bottom as they go by, and I've felt uncomfortable about it a couple of times, but after I established with him that I didn't like to be touched that way, I stopped having a problem. I know that those who don't live in his vicinity probably don't have the chance to establish such baseline rules, and I know it sucks that they have to be established. But the man isn't just someone who abused his kids and feels so guilty about it that he can't deal with it. He's also the man who supported my right to never see my father again, even if that meant uninviting my father's family to my graduation and now the wedding so that I wouldn't have to deal with that crap. Grampa was the only one who said (and loudly) to Jim's face that my father was a con man and an asshole.
I understand your concerns, and I share them. I agree that you can't take Kathy's word that Grampa would be okay to visit with the girls. However, I also think that you would really like Pat, Grampa's new wife, and you would be impressed with how well she has trained him. Pat is absolutely incredible, and I like her a hell of a lot. :)
Nobody needs to actually DO anything here, as far as I can tell. If Grampa actually were to visit, you could send the girls away for that time. You could also just explain that you (singly or collectively) are just too ill for him to come to you, but he could visit with Scott if he wanted to meet somewhere. I honestly think that Grampa is interested in how his extended family is doing, and he considers you all part of that because you're part of Scott's life. That's how he treated Mom's live-in boyfriend, Doug, before he died a couple of years ago. Grampa has been treating Steve as family for about a year now, even before we got engaged. Grampa has mellowed from his hidebound views, and may actually (gasp) be trying to get the real scoop instead of hearing his news alternatively from Kathy and me. (Not that I pass a lot on, but I do correct him whenever he tries to figure out the situation and gets confused about how people could possibly be poly and be happy about it.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
regna
Re: Ummm
Date: 2004-07-26 08:08 pm (UTC)However. I do actually love and appreciate Grampa. I think he's too fond of patting girls on the bottom as they go by, and I've felt uncomfortable about it a couple of times, but after I established with him that I didn't like to be touched that way, I stopped having a problem. I know that those who don't live in his vicinity probably don't have the chance to establish such baseline rules, and I know it sucks that they have to be established. But the man isn't just someone who abused his kids and feels so guilty about it that he can't deal with it. He's also the man who supported my right to never see my father again, even if that meant uninviting my father's family to my graduation and now the wedding so that I wouldn't have to deal with that crap. Grampa was the only one who said (and loudly) to Jim's face that my father was a con man and an asshole.
I understand your concerns, and I share them. I agree that you can't take Kathy's word that Grampa would be okay to visit with the girls. However, I also think that you would really like Pat, Grampa's new wife, and you would be impressed with how well she has trained him. Pat is absolutely incredible, and I like her a hell of a lot. :)
Nobody needs to actually DO anything here, as far as I can tell. If Grampa actually were to visit, you could send the girls away for that time. You could also just explain that you (singly or collectively) are just too ill for him to come to you, but he could visit with Scott if he wanted to meet somewhere. I honestly think that Grampa is interested in how his extended family is doing, and he considers you all part of that because you're part of Scott's life. That's how he treated Mom's live-in boyfriend, Doug, before he died a couple of years ago. Grampa has been treating Steve as family for about a year now, even before we got engaged. Grampa has mellowed from his hidebound views, and may actually (gasp) be trying to get the real scoop instead of hearing his news alternatively from Kathy and me. (Not that I pass a lot on, but I do correct him whenever he tries to figure out the situation and gets confused about how people could possibly be poly and be happy about it.)
That's my $5.00, anyway. YMMV.