(no subject)

We visited Louis's grandmother today. She's in one of the local nursing homes. According to Louis's mom, today was one of the lucid days. She recognized Louis and his mother, and . . .

The first person that tries to put me in a nursing home, I will have a frank exchange of ideas with. At considerable volume. Punctuation will be provided in the form of a cane about the head and shoulders. Failing that, I will haunt their ass from the moment I die until the moment that they die. Then I will proceed to harass them in the after life. Relentlessly.

I understand why Louis's family placed his grandmother in a nursing home. It was and still is their best option for her. They visit her frequently, and do their best to make sure that she is cared about and for.

This does nothing for how I feel about nursing homes in general. Walking in felt like entering a circle of Hell. It felt like waiting to die, being forgotten, despair, exhaustion, loneliness, pain, forgotten dreams, dead hopes, the endless tick of the clock . . .

I am very glad that Louis got to see his grandmother, and that she got to see him. I know that he is planning on seeing her at least once more before we leave Florida. I don't know if I will be able to go back there with him, and I feel ashamed about it.

-sigh- I really am mostly enjoying my vacation. The nursing home was just a blow to an emotional weak spot.