Not a happy camper

Warin and I have been talking 'bout various and sundry stuff lately, and I've been hearing stuff from his brother, too. What I am hearing and my thought process in response to it leads me to but one conclusion:

I hate their mother.

Not dislike, or can't stand, or find annoying, or anything like that. No, I mean hate, as in, I truly hate only two people, and she is one of them.

I try very hard not to waste energy on hatred, but it does creep up on me. The fact that I love Warin with damn near every shred of feeling I have, and that I consider his brother to be a brother of my heart probably has something to do with my feelings towards their mother. Well, that and the fact that she left gaping emotional wounds on both of them. That probably has something to do with it too.

I just don't get it. I look at the two of them and see such wonderful men. They're loving, caring, have great senses of humour, are both incredibly intelligent, they *listen*, they help, they . . . They are Good People, and I just don't understand why their mother is so disapointed in them.

I see two men who have such beautiful souls, and then I see the damage that was done to them, and it makes me weep for what was taken from them. I work on helping Warin heal (something needs to be done so that his brother can move down here so that I can start helping *him*) and I push my rage and hatred down, because it will not help him. The few times that he's seen it, it (thankfully) did more good than harm. "You're *this* angry on *my* behalf?"

I don't really like hating someone, but I don't really know how to make it go away, either.

Biting the Bullet

I warned it. I warned the computer over and over again that if it didn't start behaving, especially in regards to online stuff that I'd do it.

Well, I finally bit the bullet and did. For the next month AOL is on the computer. On December 1st, off it goes, and back to Juno we go. On the up side, my 'Net connection is a lot more stable. Then again, that's not exactly saying much.

Ah, well. Exploit the virus for now, then get rid of it before it demands money. And, hey, maybe the computer will behave in the future!