omimouse: Night Elf from World of Warcraft; No one ever said elves are 'nice (Fairy Tales)
[personal profile] omimouse
Getting out of bed for the first time since the c-section . . . whoof.

It's not so much that it's a sharp pain as it is a steady ache that gets stronger whenever I start to use those muscles. Still, between that and worry about pulling on either set of stitches, I'm moving very slowly indeed right now. If my internet research is to be believed, this should get much easier over the next few days. Or at least ache less.


Gonna try and get in to see Amber tonight, since they finally took me off the magnesium drip and the catheter. Louis brought me her little foot print card. My pinky finger is longer than just one of her little feet. She's just so *tiny*.

Still scared and facing the double-fronts of recovering from the surgery and feeling mostly helpless as my little girl fights for her life. Also pumping my breasts every 2-3 hours in the hopes that my body will catch on, as breast milk is one of the few concrete things I can do for her right now.

Dealing with hormonal bounces on top of all the normal reactions to this kind of thing. Reminding myself that her being stable at all right now is a massive good sign, that this is a little fighter. Scared that she'll hang onto life and make it through this only to wind up with something debilitating later in life. The long-term issues she could have to deal with range from fairly benign (slight vision/hearing problems or not catching up to her peers developmentally until about 3-5 years of age) to flat out terrifying (the potential for lasting and severe brain damage, and any of the disorders associated with that). In between is stuff that will make life harder, but not be impossible to deal with, like asthma, blindness, deafness, various muscular disorders, you name it.

Or she could wind up with any combination of the above. Or none of them. Hells, this is all based off of the desperate hope that she lives, even though I'm trying not to think about that too much.

Take after your daddy, little one. You've already surprised the entire NICU staff at this hospital. Take after your daddy and raise those little middle fingers to the odds and the deck stacked against you, just to prove that no one should say something isn't possible. Take after your daddy and be a stubborn streak of pure will that doesn't give up on anything, ever. Take perverse delight in shocking and surprising and upending the entire freakin' neo-natal section of this hospital, little girl.

Take after your daddy, Amber. Take after your daddy and stay with me.
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omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)

January 2013

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