omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
I forgot how long the mourning process takes. While the timing of Oma's death was sudden, I had been expecting it for at least five years. I knew it was coming. I had time to prepare, to come to terms with it. When she died, it still hurt. It just took a lot less time for me to finish saying goodbye, and to be able to think about her without it hurting. It's different when you don't have time to prepare. It hits you like a knife, and it can take years for the knife to slowly twist its way out of your heart and gut.

Especially when you lost someone, not to death, but to . . . I still don't know what we lost her to, to be honest. When I feel bitter about it, I get snarly about how I never really knew there was a problem until it went boom, because no one fuckin' talked to me, but that's only when I feel particularly bitter about it.

[livejournal.com profile] ebonunicorn's son, Nik is up for the weekend. Apparantly, he'd been to an SCA thingie in the past week or two. He met Reana's son, L there. He told Bear-Cub and Puppy that he met L, and that L told him that he'd "broken up" with Bear-Cub, and that he no longer like her or Puppy. He was very insistent about this. Bear-Cub said something to the effect of "he never would've said something like that", and Nik got very set on it. Bear-Cub and Puppy were in tears for over thirty minutes.

I don't know what to think, or what in all of this is truth, and what isn't. I know that I'm not angry or upset at any of the kids involved. When adults fight, all too often it is the children who pay the price.

I'm just so very, very tired of all of this. I will probably never know all of what happened between Drkn, Reana, and Catchild. This means that I will also probably never know what caused the relationship between the three of them to explode so badly. All I know is that we are still mourning. I am still mourning. And my two eldest daughters have more than likely lost people that were very close and important to them.

And every now and then, the knife hits a nerve on its slow, painful way out.

Grieving

Mar. 29th, 2004 04:48 pm
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
AOL hath been shot in the head. We are now (finally!) live on ISDN, and the phones are actually back online again after a weekend of not ringing through. I'm busy with a PS game called Suikoden, and . . . OK, enough of this.

Depressive rambling behind the cut )
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
Lotsa emotional crap behind the cut - you have been warned.

Read more... )

My Family

Jan. 8th, 2004 05:01 pm
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
I love y'all. I love the lot of you, and you're all acting like a bunch of schoolkids. Who's dating who? Who's going to the prom with who? Who gave who a bracelet? Who did you catch kissing whom behind the bleachers? Did they go all the way?

Yes folks, the whole lot of ya'll are coming across as that juvenile. I make no distinction, and I am not seperating you out. I am fed up with watching some of the most responsible, rational, intelligent people I know acting this immature.

My previous post was meant as a starting point for rational, reasonable, calm discussion of the problems the family is dealing with right now. It was *not* meant as the tinder for a flame-war! And you *all* helped throw oil on this fire. No "But Ebon's being too combative" or "[livejournal.com profile] reana doesn't visit enough" or [livejournal.com profile] catchild's being overly melodramatic" or "[livejournal.com profile] reana/[livejournal.com profile] catchild/Ebon is making ultimatums." This is one relationship that you *all* managed to fuck over. You weren't paying enough attention to each other, or you weren't allowing enough attention to be payed to you, or you weren't talking with each other or you were making it impossible for anyone to talk with you, etc., etc., etc.

Right. Well, I would like to point out that having four people decide what's going to happen to the family structure without giving the rest of the family a chance to salvage anything is really fucking inconsiderate. And I'm really tired of being told that this is a four person issue, especially when part of me is bound, heart, mind, and soul to one of the people that I stand to lose to this idiocy.

*I'm* making this an issue for the whole family. Not anyone else. Me. My insistence that the rest of us not get left out of discussions that affect the whole family is a good part of why people want all of us there on Sunday. *I* want everyone there, because I'm sick and tired of family-wide decisions being made by four people. And I swear by the Sword and Scales of the Lady Justice, I am *not* going to be there to defend any of the adults. Or have any of you thought to consider how this will affect the children?

Now, can everyone do me a really big favour? Back down from the ultimatums, *all* of you. *Please*. Take a deep breath. Count to or down from any number you choose, in whatever language you choose. Calm down. Ground. Center. Shield. Remember that you love each other. Remember that love. Remember how it feels. Let that feeling wash away the anger.

We love each other. Friends are the family that you chose, and we are friends and family to each other. And, to quote a very smart little talking donkey: "That's what friends do! They forgive each other!!"
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
For those interested in The Ongoing Saga (and especially for those of us who are part of it), I submit the following points:

Read more... )
omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Astrid)
For the details behind this, please check out [livejournal.com profile] catchild's and [livejournal.com profile] warinbear's latest journal entries.

Okay. That lays the groundwork. My husband is upset and depressed because he can't help, I'm upset because I love [livejournal.com profile] catchild, Ebon, R, and I like J a lot, Ebon's upset, [livejournal.com profile] catchild's upset; in general, we're all upset.

I love my family. This is affecting me, too. I really want to just grab all those involved, throw them into a room together, and then throw a mediator at them so they actually talk this out. All of them. And yes, this *is* my business. This is no longer purely a personal problem, folks. The rest of us are hurting to. We're family to.

I'm going to insist that everone involved do *something*, prefferably before I snap and start beating folks about the head and shoulders with a large clue-by-four. Talk with each other, damnit! Don't make me do something stupid like bite you.

And this is supposed to be the *easy* way out? Someone's nuts.

Profile

omimouse: Digital painting of a mouse wielding a spear (Default)
Naomi

January 2013

S M T W T F S
  12345
6 789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios