Nov. 10th, 2010

omimouse: ('Concerned Citizens')
We went to the library today. I forget what we were talking about, but somewhere in the conversation in the car, it suddenly just hit me.

(Me)"Ebon's probably been raped by now, hasn't he?"
(Louis)"Unless someone is going to great lengths to keep him safe, yes."

I . . . don't know how I feel about this. I mean, I hate the man. For what he did to Cub, I hate him, and wish him a great deal of ill. But, I also firmly believe that if rape is somehow supposed to be the 'correct' punishment for rape of a child, then it should be part of the sentencing. For that matter, if rape is somehow the 'correct' punishment for going to prison, it should be part of the sentencing.

It isn't.

I keep wanting to weasel out of this; to make an 'exception' for Ebon. 'Well, I know *he* deserves it' kind of thing. And I keep running into my own ethics, which is a good thing, I hope. I can't justify it. Just because this was personal, that doesn't mean I get to break the rules for it. Yes, barring an appeal that isn't likely to happen, he is in prison for rape of a child for the next 50 years. No parole. Yes, what he did was wrong on levels that I shouldn't even have to explain.

But my ethics will not permit me to take any kind of joy in the knowledge that he himself has more than likely been raped by now. I want to take glee in his suffering. I want to feel happy that he is suffering in some small measure as he made Cub suffer. But I can't. I can't, because personal is not the same as important.

I just wish that this didn't feel like a massive betrayal of Cub. Or that it made my head and heart and stomach hurt so much.

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Naomi

January 2013

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